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From: "Jeff Shaw" <jeffdshaw@hotmail.com>
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Subject: Fwd: THIS IS A MANAGEMENT MEMO
Date: Thu, 30 Aug 2001 15:33:29 -0700
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Subject:	THIS IS A MANAGEMENT MEMO
> >
> >
> > As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we
> > are
> > forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, older
> > employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the
> > retention of younger people who represent our future.  Therefore, a
> > program
> > to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via
> > retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.
> > This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). 
>Employees
> > who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside 
>the
> > company. SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment
> > records
> > before actual retirement takes place.
> >
> > This review phase of the program is called SCREW (Survey of Capabilities
> > of
> > Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED
> > may
> > file an appeal with upper management.
> >
> > This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following
> > Termination). Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be
> > SLAPPED
> > once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company 
>deems
> > appropriate.
> >
> > If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to 
>get
> > HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP
> > (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment) unless he/she already has AIDS
> > (Additional Income from Dependents or Spouse).
> > As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has
> > received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the
> > company.
> > Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board 
>that
> > the company will continue its policy of training employees through our
> > Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). We take pride in the amount of
> > SHIT
> > our employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than any
> > company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough
> > SHIT
> > on the job, see your immediate supervisor. Your supervisor is specially
> > trained to make sure you receive all the SHIT you can stand.  And, once
> > again, thanks for all your years of service with us.
> >
> > The Management
> >
> >


_________________________________________________________________
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