Mailing-List: contact pals-help@mlm.funfolks.net; run by ezmlm
Date: Sat, 15 Sep 2001 16:12:51 -0700 (PDT)
From: ting@monkeybiz.Stanford.EDU
Message-Id: <200109152312.QAA24302@monkeybiz.Stanford.EDU>
To: pals@funfolks.net
Subject: SPAM Haikus

1.
SPAM and Pam in pan:
"Meat" frying in "cooking oil."
Metaphor for sex.

2.
SPAM: Shit Pork All Mashed.
Is there anything more gross?
Vienna Sausage.

3.
Ate three cans of SPAM,
But there's still room for Jell-O.
I love this country.

4.
Opening old can:
Insert tab in key and turn.
If strip breaks, you're screwed.

5.
Slabs of naked SPAM
Beckon from the lunch counter.
"I'll have the fish sticks."

6.
World runs out of food
Except SPAM and dead people.
Soylent Green stocks rise.

7.
Hormel buys Seuss' rights.
Revised children's book hits stores:
"Eat Green Eggs and SPAM."

8.
"SPAM" is "maps" backwards.
Deep thinking for deep people.
Pass the bong, pig-breath.

9.
Bill Clinton on SPAM:
"Congress must cut excess pork
So I'll eat that slice!"

10.
Mystery meat lunch:
Smooth, pink cubes oozing jelly.
It's gotta be SPAM.

11.
Bill Clinton again:
"Breaded, deep fried, with gravy.
Mmm--country fried SPAM!"

12.
SPAM as a sex toy:
Soft, safe, self-lubricated.
Afterwards: warm lunch.

13.
Wayne's new snide retort:
"And SPAM flies out from my butt!"
But that is how SPAM...

14.
Millions starve in Chad.
U.S. sends massive SPAM aid.
Millions starve in Chad.

15.
"SPAM" in French is "Spamme."
Like Spamme frits and Spamme l'orange.
The French are so cool.

16.
Pink food dye in can
With water, salt, chemicals:
It's a kosher SPAM.

17.
Do SPAMs reproduce?
Not unless you wash off the
Spamicidal gel.

18.
SPAM is big in Greece.
With filo dough, feta, for
Spamakopita.

19.
Italy loves SPAM.
They make a drink with it called
"Asti Spamati."

20.
Scrapple is jealous.
Scrapple is the poor man's SPAM.
SPAM is "middle class."

-----------------------------------------
21.
A SPAM loaf quivers.
Salivary glands juice up.
Anticipation.

22.
The gullet rises.
Salivary glands juice up.
"You ate the whole loaf!?"

23.
Post-SPAM catharsis:
Peptic acid and pink chunks.
Floor-mount Pollock piece.

-----------------------------------------
24.
When Mom turns around
You slip the slice to Fido.
Escape to dessert.

25.
The tricorder hums.
Captain Kirk asks, "What is it?"
Bones says, "It's dead, Jim."

26.
Spock takes a small piece.
It's elastic, rubbery.
It is vulcanized.

27.
Psychologists think
Sartre wrote Nausea because
His mom fed him SPAM.

28.
SPAM recipe 1:
Skewer chunk with marshmallow
And roast over fire.

29.
SPAM recipe 2:
Purée, cook with milk and flour.
It's Cream of SPAM soup.

30.
Hors d'oeuvre with great flair:
SPAM, Vienna Sausage, Chex.
Blend well with Cheez Whiz.

31.
SPAM subs for turkey
In that school lunch favorite:
SPAM tetrazzini.

32.
Bio techs love SPAM.
The jelly is optimal
For microbe cultures.

33.
We joke about SPAM.
But secretly we think that
It tastes pretty good.

34.
Homeless man shopping.
There's a three-for-one SPAM sale.
He buys three Alpos.

35.
Next-door barbecue.
Smell of T-bones waft over.
Eat SPAM with closed eyes.

36.
Night kitchen cupboard.
Roach scuttles around SPAM can.
Cutting steak in dream.

37.
A full SPAM can thrown
Is a lethal weapon. But
So is SPAM goulash.

38.
Can-opening sound.
Dog bounds over, drool, beg, whine.
Yikes, it's SPAM! Dog leaves.

39.
SPAM: Stripped Pig All Mixed.
Is there anything more gross?
New product: SPAM LITE.

40.
Blindfold smelling test.
Can anyone pick out SPAM
From all the dog food?

41.
Winter trailer home:
Bills unpaid--no heat inside.
Raw SPAM for dinner.

42.
How to feed twelve mouths:
SPAM and Hamburger Helper
Spread thin on white bread.

43.
Housing project dump:
Rats rattling the empty cans,
Stench of rotting pigs.

44.
The ceiling fan turns.
The loaf sweats ominously.
Time is running out.

45.
Gregor Spamsa woke.
In horror he sees that he's
Now a pink pork cube.

46.
Is SPAM Kafkaesque
Or was Franz Kafka Spamesque?
That is the question.

47.
If you cut open
A SPAM can with a jigsaw
The blade will smell weird.

48.
Sing the hobo's blues:
SPAM for breakfast, SPAM for lunch,
SPAM for dinner, too.

49.
SPAM = SPiced hAM.
But it's neither spiced nor ham
And it sounds unreal.

50.
Pat Benatar fell.
The stage was too slippery
From her spamdex suit.

51.
SPAM is good for you.
Only the best pork parts used.
(Yeah, that's the ticket...)

52.
SPAM deconstructed:
cultural abattoir, im-
perialist gaze.

53.
The wolf huffed and puffed
And blew the piggies' house down.
Wolf grins--home-made SPAM!

54.
New food ethics law:
SPAM cannot include meat from
Aborted pig parts.

55.
SPAM--it's just the name.
It would not be an icon
If it were called "Phil."

56.
June Cleaver, flummoxed,
Burns the SPAM roast. Wally says,
"Leave it to Beaver."

57.
Homer Simpson drools.
"Mmm--donut." Takes a bite, then
"DOH!!" It's filled with SPAM.

58.
Veteran cop weeps.
"Worst child abuse case I've seen.
Fed SPAM twelve weeks straight."

59.
Government campaign
Against substance abuses:
"Just say NO to SPAM."

60.
Through the looking glass
SPAM maps, isomorph, puzzled.
It glows a strange blue.

61.
Mmm--pizza with ham!
Yum--all done. Friends laugh. 'Twas SPAM!
Projectile vomit.

62.
A bulimic binge:
Bread, cheese, spam, chips, Spam, SPAM, SPAM--
Gravity's rainbow.

63.
A half-eaten slice.
Ants swarm the cold, greasy plate.
A suicide note.

64.
Crumb sticks to grease track.
He licks it off--nothing beats
SPAM on buttered toast.

65.
Jack wants to father.
But why eat so much SPAM, Jack?
"My spam count is low."

66.
SPAM dialectic:
The anti-SPAM is tasty,
Healthy, and kosher.

67.
SPAM slice in toaster.
Switch on, tie down ejector.
Pink, smoky blow torch.

68.
SPAM in microwave.
Set timer: 30 minutes.
Is your house insured?

69.
Federal building.
Parked in front--truckload of SPAM.
Pandemonium.

70.
With a quick finger
She poked the SPAM heart right out
Of the musubi.

71.
Peace Corps, Africa,
July 4th celebration:
Baked SPAM with plantains.

72.
Freetown restaurant:
Imitation Third-World SPAM--
What "ham" really means.

73.
A half-empty can
Floats down the Ganges River:
Food for the dead souls.

74.
In Namib Desert
A dilemma: Landjäger,
Gnu jerky, or SPAM?

75.
In Bali a slice
Left curbside to please spirits
Brings bad luck instead.

76.
Deadbeat father sends
SPAM as child-support payment.
Twenty years in jail.

77.
SPAM plus TANG makes SPANG.
Nutritious breakfast drink of
Midwest astronauts.

78.
A prostitute leans
From a rust-stained balcony
Spooning from a can.

79.
The empty cupboard
Echoes with destitution,
The last can consumed.

80.
Beggar, can in hand,
Seeks passers-by's sympathy:
"My last meal was SPAM."

81.
A SPAM slice frying
In the southern hemisphere
Turns counterclockwise.

82.
Our budget is slashed.
Cafeteria now serves
Just arroz con SPAM.

83.
Tropical SPAM night.
Suckling loaf roasting on spit,
Fake palm trees askew.

84.
Screamin' Jay Hawkins'
Scatological blues caused
By one childhood bite.

85.
How many degrees
Can one tilt an ungreased pan
Before a loaf slips?

86.
Unwed teen mom spoon-
feeds self, infant from can: "One
for you, two for me."

87.
What's really in SPAM?
Biologists say it's a
Can of nematodes.

88.
You cut your finger
Slicing a loaf. Blood blossomed
On the snow-white board.

89.
I kissed you at lunch,
Your lips still shiny from the
Hot, freshly fried slice.

90.
I sent her ninety
SPAM haiku to show my love.
She sent me a shrink.

91.
Vegan terrorists
Storm headquarters of Hormel.
A hogstage crisis.

92.
Use a slice to clean
(and grease, too!) your mixing bowl.
It's a spamtula.

93.
New Metheny disc:
As Spreads SPAM So Spreads SPAM Spread.
Downbeat gives five hurls.

94.
Gerry bloops the low
Note on bari. Too much SPAM
In Mulligan's stew.

95.
Mingus' elegy
For friend who loved to wear SPAM:
"Good Bye SPAM-pie Hat."

96.
Maynard Ferguson
Blows too hard, explodes his lips.
SPAM-lips save the day.

97.
Dizzy's mom beat him
When he threw up the SPAM. Hence
The trademark puffed cheeks.

98.
Cole Porter's will left
Hormel big bucks. Why? "I get
a kick out of SPAM."

99.
Miles, while battling SPAM
addiction, cuts the landmark
disc, Sketches of Pain.

100.
SPAM is to luncheon
meats, as Lalo Schifrin is
to jazz musicians.


101.
Supermarket aisle.
We reached for the same SPAM can.
We exchanged numbers.

102.
You carved my figure
From the block of SPAM. Love or
Infatuation?

103.
The first time we kissed:
Your cheeks flushed a deep SPAM pink,
Your lips soft, hungry.

104.
I buried the ring
Inside a loaf. You took a
Bite, spat, then said, "Yes!"

105.
Wedding catered by
Hormel. Reception marred by
Sudden illnesses.

106.
Honeymoon in France.
Finally got to try the
Spamme frits, Spamme l'orange.

107.
Four children later
We run out of things to say.
"Price of SPAM is up."

108.
"Breakfast in bed, love."
"What is it, dear?" "Refried SPAM."
You filed for divorce.

109.
The first nights were bad.
Woke up from a SPAM nightmare--
But you were not there.

110.
I live alone now.
I keep a cat for comfort.
She does not eat SPAM.

111.
Supermarket aisle.
I saw her reach for a SPAM.
I turned, walked away.

-----------------------------------------
112.
Cigarettes, liquor--
"Sin" tax for things bad for you.
Why not a SPAM tax?

113.
Hurricane Luís.
Blackout--no power to cook.
SHAM tempted by SPAM.

114.
CNN: Canned News
Network. Spamming the globe with
Processed, packaged news.

115.
Woody Allen in
Sleeper finds SPAM in future
Considered health food.

116.
SPAM and the Art of
Motorcycle Maintenance
By Robert Pigsrig.

117.
Post-culinarism's
touchstone text: Derrida's On
Spammatology.

118.
Knut Hamsun shuns SPAM,
Writes Hunger, wins Nobel Prize.
Moral: Don't eat SPAM.

119.
"Formal systems can't
prove all--like what's in SPAM." From
Gödel, Escher, SPAM.

120.
"For highest congress
Push whole loaf in yoni." From
The Spama Sutra.

121.
Burroughs plays William
Tell with SPAM loaf, kills wife, in
Naked Luncheon Meat.

122.
Rushdie gets fatwa
for writing that Mohamed
enjoyed eating SPAM.

123.
In the innermost
circle of hell, Dante finds
Jay Hormel alone.

124.
Cole Porter, too, was
confounded by it. Asked, "What
is this thing called SPAM?"

125.
Beatlemania
Hits Hormel. Factory kids
Sing "Polythene SPAM."

126.
Trivia question:
Who played Mindy in Pork and
Mindy? Spam Dawber.

127.
Supermarket aisle.
Mom pushes cart toward SPAM shelf.
Child bursts into tears.

128.
At checkout counter
Cashier rejects food stamps.
Says, "SPAM is not food."

129.
Vienna Sausage
Was a product of the times--
SPAM de siècle.

130.
A Spamburger is
A resident of Spamburg.
Can you say "Schpahmboorg"?

-----------------------------------------
131.
New discovery:
SPAM waves. Thought to propagate
In gel-like ether.

132.
SPAM-wave detector:
Immerse man in gel. If he
Gains weight, SPAM wave's there.

133.
Can information
Be sent by using SPAM waves?
No. Just calories.

134.
SPAM wave as weapon
Used during Cold War. Doubtful?
Yeltsin's size. Case closed.

135.
Remote sensing with
SPAM waves needs work. Too much pork
In the ground clutter.

136.
Communist China
Uses SPAM waves for jamming.
All you get's pink noise.

137.
Relativity
Predicts SPAM waves will bend near
Massive trailer parks.

138.
Astronomy news:
SPAM waves from distant stars are
Always pink-shifted.

139.
As an object gets
Near the speed of SPAM waves, its
Fat content goes up.

-----------------------------------------
140.
SPAM: Steam-Pressed Ape Meat.
Is there anything more gross?
New, handy SPAM Spread.

-----------------------------------------
141.
Twenty loaded shelves.
The only moving thing was
The eye of the SPAM.

142.
I was of three minds,
Like a SPAM in which there are
Three major organs.

143.
A SPAM swirled in the
Frying pan. 'Twas a small part
Of the pantomime.

144.
A boy and a girl
Are one. A boy and a girl
And a SPAM are one.

145.
Which do I prefer?
The beauty of ingestion
Or what comes after?

146.
Kitchen windowsill.
Lit by passing headlights, SPAM
Casts a long shadow.

147.
Thin men of Haddam,
Don't you see the SPAM rising
In your women's pans?

148.
I know what's good food;
But I also know that the
SPAM knows that I know.

149.
When the SPAM was fried,
Its grease marked the edge of one
Of many circles.

150.
At the smell of SPAM,
Even bawds of euphony
Would cry out sharply.

151.
Once, a fear pierced him,
In that he mistook his wife
For a loaf of SPAM.

152.
Smoke issues from the
Kitchen. Dogs retch in gutters.
SPAM must be cooking.

153.
The aisles were empty.
They would always be empty.
SPAM sat on the shelf.

-----------------------------------------
154.
Childhood railroad game:
Place unopened can on rail.
"POP" goes the pork parts.

155.
Childhood classroom game:
Poke straw through loaf, aim, and blow.
Pork missiles scream by.

156.
Parenting is hell.
Opened kid's diaper to find
A big pile of SPAM.

157.
Backpacker's nightmare:
The food packs are mislabeled--
They're all freeze-dried SPAM!

158.
Essence of SPAM is
Captured in brand new fragrance
Called Eau de Colon.

159.
The red wheelbarrow
Burdened with solemn portent
Wishes it were SPAM.

-----------------------------------------
160.
A is for Adolf
Who sold it as kosher meat
And was stoned to death.

161.
B is for Beavis
Who slipped while slicing a loaf
And chopped off his hand.

162.
C is for Chevy
Who slid on a greasy slice
And tumbled downstairs.

163.
D is for Debbie
Who played weird sex games with it
And caught P.I.V.

164.
E is for Ernest
Who made a wine from aged chunks
And poisoned himself.

165.
F is for Fidel
Who left small bits in his beard
And ants ate his face.

166.
G is for Georgie
Who used the gel as sun screen
And burned to a crisp.

167.
H is for Herbert
Who pledged a loaf in each pan
And died a loser.

168.
I is for Itchy
Who ate Scratchy's loaded loaf
And blew into bits.

169.
J is for Jeffrey
Who tried to make it with boys
And was offed in jail.

170.
K is for Kermit
Who heard pig squeals from the can
And lost his good mind.

171.
L is for Linda
Who swallowed whole from a can
And choked on the loaf.

172.
M is for Mary
Who passed out cans to the poor
And was beat senseless.

173.
N is for Norman
Who kept his mom fleshed with it
And became psycho.

174.
O is for Orson
Who ate it for lunch daily
And blimped out and croaked.

175.
P is for Peter
Who denied eating it thrice
And cocks gouged his eyes.

176.
Q is for Quentin
Who served it to his film crew
And got his ears lopped.

177.
R is for Reggie
Who got beaned by a full can
And dropped like a fly.

178.
S is for the SHAM
Who wrote haiku about it
And was declared mad.

179.
T is for Tommy
Who smoked pieces in a bong
And larded his lungs.

180.
U is for Uri
Who showed off his bent-spoon trick
And was shelled by cans.

181.
V is for Violet
Who ate twenty-seven loaves
And burst like a zit.

182.
W's for Wayne
Who strained hard to excrete it
And monkeys flew out.

183.
X is for Xerxes
Who built a fortress with it
And drowned in roaches.

184.
Y is for Yasser
Who let Hormel build a plant
And the Jews shot him.

185.
Z is for Zsa Zsa
Who slapped a cop with a slice
And got life in jail.

-----------------------------------------
186.
Experts disagree.
On SPAM ingredients? No.
Defining haiku.

187.
Is this true haiku?
Or is it more like senryuu?
Do you give a SPAM?

188.
SPAM is a haiku:
It's organic, compressed, and
Painful to extrude.

189.
Haiku purists and
Hormel both lack the same thing:
A sense of humor.

190.
The SPAM Down Under.
Pop open the can and watch--
It falls to the sky.

191.
Pork-spangled top hat;
Gel drips from thrust-out finger.
Uncle Spam wants you!

192.
Sam and Pam get laid.
Oops--no spamicidal gel.
Guess the baby's name.

193.
Stray hog squashed by truck.
"Picasso pig," thinks one man.
The next guy, "Road SPAM."

194.
Hormel buys Kellogg.
New product appears in stores:
SPAM-flavor Pop Tarts.

195.
Take a scoop of SPAM,
Liquify with tomatoes.
It's Spamato juice.

196.
Ross Perot, struggling
To get SPAM out of can, coins
The "sucking sound" phrase.

197.
A birthday SPAM cake.
Insert wicks in loaf and light--
No need for candles!

1.
See the pretty SPAM
Flying through the bedroom door
Heading towards your face.
--Adam Roach, exuadam@exu.ericsson.se

2.
Ears, snouts and innards,
A homogeneous mass.
Pass another slice.
--Anonymous

3.
Pink tender morsel,
Glistening with salty gel.
What the *#$% is it?
--Anonymous

4.
Cube of cold pinkness
Yellow specks of porcine fat.
Give me a spork, please.
--Anonymous

5.
Old man seeks doctor.
"I eat SPAM daily," he says.
Angioplasty.
--Anonymous

6.
Highly unnatural,
The tortured shape of this "food":
A small pink coffin.
--Anonymous

7.
The SPAM looks forlorn.
At least it isn't head cheese!
I eat it with verve.
--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

8.
SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM,
SPAM, SPAM, SPAM -- Glorious SPAM!
Or something like that.
--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

9.
If I ate some SPAM,
I wonder if I would live
To be very old.
--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

10.
If the Alive guys
Had some SPAM on board the plane,
What would they eat first?
--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

11.
Do preservatives,
If they are in a SPAM can,
Keep you from rotting?
--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

12.
SPAM stares back at me
In my dreams just like pig eyes.
I need a new job.
--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

13.
Each day at my job,
I work with pig eyes thinking:
Are these things in SPAM?
--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

14.
If you have no clay,
But you need to sculpt something,
SPAM is excellent.
--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

15.
How would SPAM be used
In Kentucky Fried Movie,
If they made part III?
--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

16.
SPAM can do it all.
Need a fake amputation?
SPAM can do it all.
--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

17.
What are the clear parts?
My mind reels, thoughts turn to hooves.
I'd best just eat it.
--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

18.
If you do vomit
While you are eating some SPAM,
Do you know what's food?
--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

19.
If one tried to make
George Bush eat SPAM, would he say:
"Not gonna do it!"?
--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

20.
Maybe George Bush puked.
Or maybe he just faked it
By using some SPAM.
--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

21.
In Silent Running
The Earth's food was limited.
Did they have some SPAM?
--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

22.
Wow! Fifteen haiku,
And all of them about SPAM.
I was on a roll!
--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

23.
I think of SPAM bits
Sitting in a park at noon
What are they made of?
--Alec Proudfoot, alec@netcom.com

24.
SPAM enters and leaves
digested, as if unchanged
WYSIWYG food-stuff
--Dave Hysell, daveh@vlasov.phys.clemson.edu

25.
I'd like to write a
SPAM haiku, but I have too
few syllables.
--Anonymous

26.
SPAM, SPAM, yellow and
pink, flies over the skating
rink. Way trippy, man.
--Anonymous

27.
SPAM in a can, to
a pan, into the man, and
flushed all down the can.
--Anonymous

28.
Ban ham, eat more SPAM.
Orally or used as a
Suppository.
--Anonymous

29.
Smoke SPAM in a bong.
I did it once, now I wear
blue metal jew'lry.
--Anonymous

30.
SPAM while in the can
Looks harmless, but opening
Finds it's disgusting.
--Steve Popovich, popovich@cs.columbia.edu

31.
Yum, yum, SPAM is good!
SPAM is such wonderful food!
Commit me now, please.
--Steve Popovich, popovich@cs.columbia.edu

32.
"Off the pigs?" Can it.
It's PC to be porcine.
The times are changin'.
--M. Greenberg, bambusa@ag.arizona.edu

33.
Mom cooked SPAM Surprise.
Pink grease, smothered in mustard...
I still fear mustard.
--Van Kichline, vkichlin@ecity.net

34.
Hormel perfection.
Open a SPAM can now, yum!
Ultimate in taste?
--Matthew Lefkowitz, theglyph@aol.com and Julie Hanson, bungajulie@aol.com

35.
Where does SPAM come from?
I spend time on toilet; SPAM
Has Booda-nature.
--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

36.
Canter and Siegel
Spew Green Card on Usenet; a
Thousand points of Spam.
--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

37.
The Usenet vulture,
Cancelmoose, has unbounded
Appetite for Spam.
--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

38.
Transvestite waitress
Reads menu; Vikings chorus.
Monty Python sketch.
--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

39.
There are worse things than
A SPAM-limited diet.
Like coprophagy.
--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

40.
President reviews
School lunch program meat item.
Says, "I feel your SPAM."
--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

41.
Head Cheese, Kim-Chi, SPAM,
Lut'fisk, Haggis, Goat's-eye soup.
Eat them, Rush Limbaugh!
--Martin H. Booda, booda@datasync.com

42.
The pink SPAM glistens
On a blue plate of plastic.
O my Soylent Green.
--J. Allen Schones, jas@ocncra.att.com

43.
Can opener whirs,
Meat odor flows heavenward;
God's stomach rumbles.
--The Donosaur (Don Wilkie), stwd@nmu.edu

44.
snuffling snorting oink
hacking mashing slashing pink
gobbling dribbling pain 
--Anonymous

45.
Oh, God! I just ate
some (Spam the Internet) with
e.e. cummings's dog.
--Chris Raile, raile@eecs.ukans.edu

46.
I've had SPAM and Treet.
Is there any difference
between this pink meat?
--Chris Raile, raile@eecs.ukans.edu

47.
American life
Sports and food are one with us
I hit a grand SPAM
--Eric Riback, eriback@maine.com

48.
"Unholy monster!"
"Scourge!" "Pink freak!" Poor SPAM. Only
I understand you.
--R. Kaufman

49.
No *#$%ing way, man!
I hate composing haiku,
But I love the SPAM.
--Mark Nakamura, masayang@msushi.com

50.
Talmudic scholars
ponder SPAM. Is anything
on Earth less kosher?
--R. Kaufman

51.
Beautiful willow,
how your leaves dance in the wind.
I wish you were SPAM.
--S. Ingels

52.
One policeman's tale:
"How I love you, SPAM. You took
a bullet for me."
--R. Kaufman

53.
O.J. not guilty!
Stomach contents analyzed:
SPAM is cause of death.
--R. Kaufman

54.
My life in ruin.
My wife, job, home -- all lost. SPAM!
You did this to me!
--R. Kaufman

55.
I wait, vacuum-packed.
Exiled in metal, I dream.
SOMEBODY EAT ME!
--R. Kaufman

56.
Formless, spreadable,
beneath contempt. Pity me!
I am deviled SPAM.
--S. Collum

57.
Cholesterol-rich?
Sure. But are we not men? Chest
pain, shmest pain. SPAM me.
--R. Kaufman

58.
judgment day is here
attack of 50-foot SPAM
we go down eating
--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

59.
is the moon made of
green cheese? No, just moldy cos-
mically shaped SPAM
--Screamin' Phil Erickson, pje@hyperion.haystack.edu

60.
Mysterious meat
manufactured in secret
who can bear to watch?
--Anonymous

61.
Pennies to my name
Enough for a can of SPAM
I would rather starve 
--Anonymous

62.
Mussels underneath,
Bellyache for barbecue:
"No SPAM, Radio."
--fleshhead

63.
Exciting foodstuff
It draws the lightning to it
A flash in the SPAM
--Eric Riback, eriback@maine.com

64.
Heinz 57
gravely underestimates
SPAM's vast potential
--fleshhead

65.
Fallout Shelter Blues:
bound, I witness friends unearth
hidden stash of SPAM.
--fleshhead

66.
Siskel and Ebert
shamelessly promote: "Two Thumbs
Up, Way Up, for SPAM!"
--fleshhead

67.
Crossposting ensues:
rec.arts.poems and
alt.food.spam.
--fleshhead

68.
I think I'll eat SPAM.
Will I make it to the can?
SPAM, SPAM, help me man!
--Michael Turton, michael@one.net

69.
Writing about SPAM
will take so much more effort
if you eat it first.
--Anonymous

70.
A guilty pleasure
On a bright sunny morning--
Scrambled eggs and SPAM.
--Dave Opstad, opstad@apple.com

71.
I do not like SPAM
But will eat green eggs and ham.
So there, Sam-I-am.
--Scott Callantine, call9214@uidaho.edu

72.
Your juice is so sweet
Chewy meat between my teeth
What is it--it's SPAM
--Mark Robinson, robinsom@news.cpcnet.com

73.
Reverse direction
Alimentary canal
SPAM spews from the mouth
--Kent Feiler, kfeiler@cpiusa.com

74.
Rumblings internal
Sounding infernal. Sonic
Signature of SPAM.
--Anonymous

75.
SPAM on the menu...
Do they make it fresh daily?
Or is it just canned?
--Sean Ferguson, ferguson@music.mcgill.ca

76.
I read SPAM Haiku--
All of it. Laughed way too hard,
Blew SPAM out my nose.
--GoshMizer

77.
Six cans by a stream
Each one filled with pork products
SPAM's happy picnic
--Tom Elliott,Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

78.
Pigs enter the door
Piercing shrieks torment the air
What a lovely can
--Tom Elliott,Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

79.
Lost in the desert
I stumbled on piles of SPAM
No key to be seen
--Tom Elliott,Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

80.
The hunter prowling
Spies cans at a waterhole 
Bang Bang--A clean kill
--Tom Elliott,Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

81.
A SPAM haiku page
We must all be quite insane
Hormel is so proud
--Tom Elliott,Tosh@Werple.mira.net.au

82.
Downed U.S. pilot,
survival kit full of SPAM,
eats ants, sucks wool socks.
--R. Kaufman

83.
Nineteen forty-five,
SPAM arrives in Amsterdam
and ends starvation.
--Anonymous

84.
Voided from the can
we tossed the SPAM in the yard.
The cats bury it.
--C. Bartz

85.
On the barbeque
A SPAMBURGER hamburger
I want to die now!
--csturge@bud.peinet.pe.ca

86.
Vegetarians:
How many pigs died for SPAM?
None, it's only parts.
--Anonymous

87.
SPAM, the name disgusts
yet, pink is so enticing
and so, I swallow.
--Scott Moreau, sbm0275@usc.usl.edu

88.
The oil and fat call
"You know you want what I have!"
And I eat, and die!
--Scott Moreau, sbm0275@usc.usl.edu

89.
SPAM falls to the ground.
It makes such a pleasing sound!
I hear and wonder.
--Anonymous

90.
An old tin of SPAM
Tossed into the toilet bowl
The sound of water
--George Pajari, pajari@Faximum.COM

91.
In-laws for dinner
I would rather be at home
Eating cans of SPAM
--rlanam@reedref.com

92.
SPAM lies on the plate,
Surrounded by frozen peas.
Diner looks askance.
--Keith

93.
Use eyes, ears, nose, toes
to fill the SPAM can, but please
omit the assholes.
--Greg Fielding, greggf@destiny.esd105.wednet.edu

94.
Charlton Heston cries,
In science fiction epic:
"It's made of people!"
--Norm Lunde, norm@boxhill.com

95.
Like Pepto Bismol,
Fiberglass insulation:
SPAM, too, is too pink.
--Norm Lunde, norm@boxhill.com

96.
On silver platter,
A row of thick pink slices:
Serving suggestion.
--Norm Lunde, norm@boxhill.com

97.
Scientists sought that
Which man was not meant to know:
SPAM ingredients.
--Norm Lunde, norm@boxhill.com

98.
SPAM and I ran the
Boston Marathon, but I'm
Tired and SPAM is not.
--Anonymous

99.
Think it's the question?
To SPAM or not to SPAM, sir?
Yea, it's the answer!
--MBlackford@aol.com

100.
SPAM SPAM eggs rice SPAM
not just breakfast anymore
snap crackle plop-pp
--Mark and Kara