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Message-ID: <3BB4DB63.9F60233C@barra.com>
Date: Fri, 28 Sep 2001 13:19:47 -0700
From: David Dyson <dave@Barra.COM>
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To: "pals@funfolks.net" <pals@funfolks.net>
Subject: Dilbert quotes
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A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking
for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers.

Here are the Top Ten finalists:

1.         "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the
building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next
Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."

(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp. in
Redmond,WA.)


 2.        "What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we

might encounter."

            (Lykes Lines Shipping)


3.                  "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or
data. It should be used only
for company business."

            (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)


 4.        "This project is so important, we can't let things that are
more important interfere with it."

            (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)


5.         "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."

            (Plant manager, Delco Corporation)


6.                  "No one will believe you solved this problem in one
day! We've been working
     on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you

know when it's time to tell   them."

            (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M
Corp.)


7.         Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what
I say."

            (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)


8.      My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday.
When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to

miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could
change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."

         (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)


9.      We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not
going to discuss it
with the employees."

         (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)


   10.  One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him
concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be
soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited
until tomorrow to ask for it!"

         (New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards)