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Subject: Fwd: New Virus Discovery
Date: Tue, 27 Mar 2001 09:28:29 -0800
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Message-ID: <F141iMCIqtQvAauNjVu0000d539@hotmail.com>

Atlanta, Ga. (SatireWire.com) - Scientists at the Centers for Disease
> > Control and Symantec's AntiVirus Research Center today confirmed that
> > foot-and-mouth disease cannot be spread by Microsoft's Outlook email
> > application, believed to be the first time the program has ever
> > failed to propagate a major virus.
> >
> > "Frankly, we've never heard of a virus that couldn't spread through
> > Microsoft Outlook, so our findings were, to say the least,
> > unexpected," said Clive Sarnow, director of the CDC's infectious
> > disease unit.
> >
> > The study was immediately hailed by British officials, who said it
> > will save millions of pounds and thousands of man hours. "Up until
> > now we have, quite naturally, assumed that both foot-and-mouth and
> > mad cow were spread by Microsoft Outlook," said Nick Brown, Britain's
> > Agriculture Minister. "By eliminating it, we can focus our resources
> > elsewhere."
> >
> > However, researchers in the Netherlands, where foot-and-mouth has
> > recently appeared, said they are not yet prepared to disqualify
> > Outlook, which has been the progenitor of viruses such as "I Love
> > You," "Bubbleboy," "Anna Kournikova," and "Naked Wife," to name but a
> > few.
> >
> > Said Nils Overmars, director of the Molecular Virology Lab at Leiden
> > University: "It's not that we don't trust the research, it's just
> > that as scientists, we are trained to be skeptical of any finding
> > that flies in the face of established truth. And this one flies in
> > the face like a blind drunk sparrow."
> >
> > Executives at Microsoft, meanwhile, were equally skeptical, insisting
> > that Outlook's patented Virus Transfer Protocol (VTP) has proven
> > virtually pervious to any virus. The company, however, will issue a
> > free VTP patch if it turns out the application is not vulnerable to
> > foot-and-mouth.
> >
> > Such an admission would be embarrassing for the software giant, but
> > Symantec virologist Ariel Kologne insisted that no one is more
> > humiliated by the study than she is. "Only last week, I had a
> > reporter ask if the foot-and-mouth virus spreads through Microsoft
> > Outlook, and I told him, 'Doesn't everything?'" she recalled. "Who
> > would've thought?"
> >
> > Copyright  2001, SatireWire.

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