Mailing-List: contact pals-help@mlm.funfolks.net; run by ezmlm
Message-ID: <3C51DF5F.9E635C84@barra.com>
Date: Fri, 25 Jan 2002 14:42:40 -0800
From: David Dyson <dave@Barra.COM>
MIME-Version: 1.0
To: "pals@funfolks.net" <pals@funfolks.net>
Subject: instructions for dummies
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In case you needed further proof that the
human race is doomed through stupidity,
here are some actual label instructions on
consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Gee that's the only time I have to work on
my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside."
(The shoplifter special)

On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how .?)

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But its "just" a suggestion)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on
bottom):
"Do not turn upside down."
(Too late!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."
(As night follows day . . .)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery
after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of
construction accidents if we could just
get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off
those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(One would hope.)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash.)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
( Step 3: Fly Delta.)

On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you
to fly."
(I don't blame the company. I blame parents
for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
or genitals."
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?
My God!)